A few weeks ago I began planning my trip to quilt market this coming May. I was scheduling flights, filling out my paperwork, and searching for hotels. And then one night my husband and I were discussing work and he was telling me about something he had coming up, when I felt myself getting frustrated because it was going to conflict with something of mine. I felt competitive inside and I didn't like it. I stopped myself from saying anything and later found myself with my head against the wall (literally) praying for understanding of my feelings and for a clear decision. Something wasn't right and I knew it because my emotions couldn't find a place to land.
I was stressed about leaving Remi. I was stressed about taking Remi. I missed Ruger's preschool graduation last year and I have another one of those coming up this year that I don't want to miss. On the other hand, if I don't go to market there will be opportunities missed and a loss of growth for my business that I've worked so hard to gain.
While this business doesn't seem like much at the glimpse of my little blog, it's a lot to me. It started because my husband had to leave for a few months of training and I had nothing to do. As my business grew a little, my family grew a little. It was then that I decided to go into pattern writing, so I'd have more time for my children. And when I come head to head with making a decision like going to market, I have to really weigh my pros and cons. Sometimes everything falls into place and my pros win. But sometimes, even if there are more pros, the cons will outweigh them.
Everyday for the past month I've heard the same tune in my head over and over. A quote by Elder James E. Faust,
"She need not try to sing all of the verses of her song at the same time."
At one point, this little business was really helpful in paying the bills and getting us to the next place we needed to be, but that's not the case anymore. The children are fed, housed, clothed, and loved. Life is good and my husband is taking great care of this family and so for now I will pause. I will still design at home and release new patterns, but going to market this year just isn't in the cards for me. So I will sit this one out.
I am not writing this post because I think you all are going to mourn my loss at market (I mean of course you will cry yourselves to sleep tonight) but, I am writing this for my children. I want them to know that I chose them as my prelude. I don't want to miss a single beat to my song or theirs and so I need to write this down and remember in the days and years to come that they are my number one. Everything else will have it's season. I know the days will quickly come when they are late for curfew and I am sewing up a storm, pacing the floor, wondering where on earth they are or when they're at soccer practice or wrestling or ballet, I will have hours and hours to sew and keep myself busy. But right now, I don't have a lot of time because while my children are still young, I know for certain that they won't be young for long.