Saturday, January 14, 2012

My prelude.

     A few weeks ago I began planning my trip to quilt market this coming May. I was scheduling flights, filling out my paperwork, and searching for hotels. And then one night my husband and I were discussing work and he was telling me about something he had coming up, when I felt myself getting frustrated because it was going to conflict with something of mine. I felt competitive inside and I didn't like it. I stopped myself from saying anything and later found myself with my head against the wall (literally) praying for understanding of my feelings and for a clear decision. Something wasn't right and I knew it because my emotions couldn't find a place to land.
     I was stressed about leaving Remi. I was stressed about taking Remi. I missed Ruger's preschool graduation last year and I have another one of those coming up this year that I don't want to miss. On the other hand, if I don't go to market there will be opportunities missed and a loss of growth for my business that I've worked so hard to gain.
     While this business doesn't seem like much at the glimpse of my little blog, it's a lot to me. It started because my husband had to leave for a few months of training and I had nothing to do. As my business grew a little, my family grew a little. It was then that I decided to go into pattern writing, so I'd have more time for my children. And when I come head to head with making a decision like going to market, I have to really weigh my pros and cons. Sometimes everything falls into place and my pros win. But sometimes, even if there are more pros, the cons will outweigh them.
     Everyday for the past month I've heard the same tune in my head over and over. A quote by Elder James E. Faust,

      "She need not try to sing all of the verses of her song at the same time."

     At one point, this little business was really helpful in paying the bills and getting us to the next place we needed to be, but that's not the case anymore. The children are fed, housed, clothed, and loved. Life is good and my husband is taking great care of this family and so for now I will pause. I will still design at home and release new patterns, but going to market this year just isn't in the cards for me. So I will sit this one out.
     I am not writing this post because I think you all are going to mourn my loss at market (I mean of course you will cry yourselves to sleep tonight) but, I am writing this for my children. I want them to know that I chose them as my prelude. I don't want to miss a single beat to my song or theirs and so I need to write this down and remember in the days and years to come that they are my number one. Everything else will have it's season. I know the days will quickly come when they are late for curfew and I am sewing up a storm, pacing the floor, wondering where on earth they are or when they're at soccer practice or wrestling or ballet, I will have hours and hours to sew and keep myself busy. But right now, I don't have a lot of time because while my children are still young, I know for certain that they won't be young for long.

13 comments:

ana-mama said...

...quiet down cob webs and dust go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep...

May your business be blessed beyond your wildest dreams for your loving sacrifice to your husband and family!

Carolina said...

I've been ther... Choosing between my family, and "myself."
But then I remind myself that my family is "myself" too! There are so many ways that we mommies, especially we mommies of young children, are asked to split ourselves, divide ourselves up until we feel like the shattered pieces are no longer recognizable... And sometimes it just doesn't feel fair!
But even though life isn't fair... It finds ways to reward us for choosing the right path. Like a gummy baby smile, or a heart felt "I love you mommy".
And our children will be better for it. There is no way that they will know all the sacrifices we made for them... Really, we probably don't want them to know... But they will always know that they came first. And is there anything more important?
And... The good news it that there will always be another Market. 2 a year. As dependable as.... Mommies. :-)

Ruth Zellmer said...

I once made a decision for my family instead of a career. The Lord will bless you for this decision and there will be a time for you to spend more time on your business, markets, sewing, etc. Your patterns are awesome so I hope you can continue with them in between rocking your babies, school functions and being head cheerleader for your family.

Betsy said...

Pardon the tears. This was unbelievably beautiful. I adore you.

Renee said...

Proud of your choice of prelude! You have so many talents and you will be blessed. Right now you can keep those people staring at you and then you laughing at them. I think that's a great talent--and they have no idea the kind of woman they are dealing with. You are head and shoulders above the rest even though you are inches shorter. You go girl!!! Had a great time with your four tall brothers last night having dinner in Buenos Aires. Keller's are a good family. Proud to be one of them.

Camille said...

Love it. Really. :-)

shareenspace said...

Tiffany, Way to make your mother cry ! What a beautiful blog statement. You are so admirable in so many ways!! I can't list them because it would take me so long! You have such a wonderful family. You and Jason are fabulous parents to fabulous children ! You will have no regrets. I love you!

Snarrbucks said...

You have discovered the secret that so many women today are missing. Children are only little once, careers can be had anytime, and family is the most important thing in the whole world. Good for you!

Caden and Mommy said...

You nailed it! Good choice Momma! Enjoy your adorable kiddos :0)

Trudy said...

Sweet, Sweet tiffany,now that I have 5 sweet grandbabies, I hold them, look into their precious faces and wish I had slowed down when their parents were my sweet babies. I see their faces and actions repeated in these little grandbabies and regret that I didn't enjoy more at that time. You my dear are blessed and you will be blessed. We have many things to love through the years - love these moments - they go fast. You are my hero!

Trudy said...

Sweet, Sweet tiffany,now that I have 5 sweet grandbabies, I hold them, look into their precious faces and wish I had slowed down when their parents were my sweet babies. I see their faces and actions repeated in these little grandbabies and regret that I didn't enjoy more at that time. You my dear are blessed and you will be blessed. We have many things to love through the years - love these moments - they go fast. You are my hero!

Mama Bell said...

Good for you! You are inspired and courageous to put life in proper order. A great example for all young moms!

MJCastleton said...

Love the quote!
Great example to us all.
Thank you for sharing.